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RUNNER-UP # 9
Yankton, South Dakota: A woman was arrested at her step son's school
when a policeman demonstrated his drug dog's ability. The dog found a bag of
grass in her purse.
RUNNER-UP # 8
Colorado Springs: A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun
and demanded all the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash
in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of scotch that he wanted behind the counter on
the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but he refused and
said "Because I don't believe you are over 21." The robber said he was, but the
clerk still refused to give it to him because he didn't believe him. At this
point the robber took his drivers license out of his wallet and gave it to the
clerk. The clerk looked it over, and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and
he put the scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot.
The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the
robber that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.
RUNNER-UP # 7
Salt Lake City: A woman was
reporting her car as stolen, and mentioned that there was a car phone in it. The
policeman taking the report called the phone and told the guy that answered said
he had read the ad in the newspaper and wanted to buy the car. They arranged to
meet, and the thief was arrested.
RUNNER-UP # 6
San Francisco: A man,
wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch and wrote
"this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag." While standing in
line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had
seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller
window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo.
After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo
teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he was not the
brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup
note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would
either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of
America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left. The
Wells Fargo teller then called the police who arrested the man a few minutes
later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.
RUNNER-UP # 5
From England: A motorist was
unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured his speed using
radar and photographed his car. He later received in the mail a ticket for 40
Pounds and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent the police department
a photograph of 40 Pounds. Several days later, he received a letter from the
police that contained another picture...of handcuffs. The motorist promptly sent
the money for the fine.
RUNNER-UP # 4
Drug Possession Defendant
Christopher Jansen, on trial in March in Pontiac, Michigan, said he had been
searched without a warrant. The prosecutor said the officer didn't need a
warrant because a "bulge" in Christopher's jacket could have been a
gun. "Nonsense," said Christopher, who happened to be wearing the same
jacket that day in court. He handed it over so the judge could see it. The judge
discovered a packet of cocaine in the pocket and laughed so hard he required a
five minute recess to compose himself.
RUNNER-UP # 3
Oklahoma City: Dennis Newton
was on trial for the armed robbery of a convenience store in district court when
he fired his lawyer. Assistant district attorney Larry Jones said Newton, 47,
was doing a fair job of defending himself until the store manager testified that
Newton was the robber. Newton jumped up, accused the woman of lying and then
said, "I should of blown your (expletive) head off." The defendant
paused, then quickly added, "If I'd been the one that was there." The
jury took 20 minutes to convict Newton and recommended a 30-year sentence.
RUNNER-UP # 2
Detroit: R.C. Gaitlan, 21,
walked up to two patrol officers who were showing their squad car computer
felon-location equipment to children in a Detroit neighborhood. When he asked
how the system worked, the officer asked him for identification. Gaitlan gave
them his drivers license, they entered it into the computer, and moments later
they arrested Gaitlan because information on the screen showed Gaitlan was
wanted for a two-year-old armed robbery in St. Louis, Missouri.
RUNNER-UP # 1
Another from Detroit: A pair
of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers. The first
one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the startled first
bandit shot him.
THE WINNER
A Charlotte, NC, man having
purchased a case of very rare, very expensive cigars, insured them against fire
among other things. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of cigars
and without having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the man
filed a claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the man stated the
cigars were lost "in a series of small fires." The insurance company
refused to pay, citing the obvious reason that the man had consumed the cigars
in the normal fashion. The man sued.... and won. In delivering the ruling the
judge agreeing that the claim was frivolous, stated nevertheless that the man
held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were
insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure against fire, without
defining what it considered to be "unacceptable fire," and was
obligated to pay the claim. Rather than endure a lengthy and costly appeal
process the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid the man $15,000 for
the rare cigars he lost in "the fires." After the man cashed the
check, however, the company had him arrested on 24 counts of arson. With his own
insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the
man was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and sentenced to
24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine. And ya'll thought you knew some ignorant
people.
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